I have noticed a trend whenever I post something remotely political on my facebook page, I lose about a dozen 'friends' and usually get a hate email or two.  Mind you, I never post a political view, I just post an article, usually about someone being stupid, or hypocritical.  I had one person deem me a toothless redneck for posting something about global warming being made up, and I had someone accuse me of a being a country, destroying liberal for naming President Obama the most-pro beer president ever.

Someone once told me, never to discuss politics or religion on a first date, or in business.  Well, I'm not on a date, and I haven't sold a t-shirt in about 6 months, so really, what customers am I about to upset?  Friends, I'm about to talk religion. I'm going to blaspheme.  This morning a read a saddening tale about a teenage girl in North Carolina who was suspended from school for wearing a nose-ring.  She said she is required to wear the nose ring as a bona-fide religious belief.  Is she a hindu? No. She is a proud member of the Church of Body Modification.  Folks, I'm not making this up. You can read the article here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100916/ap_on_re/us_rel_piercing_church

This lucky lass, even snookered the ACLU into representing her.  I got to thinking, if there can be a Church of Body Modification, then by Beer, we can have a Church of Beer.  In order to have a bona fide church, you need to have bona fide beliefs.  That part is easy.  I believe I'll have another beer.  I believe I'll buy more beer.  I believe I'll serve my friends ice cold beer. I believe beer should be sold for less than $8.42 a bottle at Larry Flynt's Hustler club on Bourbon Street.  I believe instead of serving wine at communion we will serve beer and pretzels.  Beer will represent, essentially the blood of Beer.  Pretzels will represent, Beer's favorite food, served by a host. 

Everyone knows you cannot have a religion, unless you have a celebrity get amped up for it.  Tom Cruise, John Travolta, and the woman from Cheers that does the Jenny Craig commercials are already taken by the scientologists, but, as best I can tell, George Wendt, who played Norm from Cheers is available.  Perhaps the Church of Beer could have Norm talk about the benefits of the Church of Beer communion.

Another great benefit of the Church of Beer, tything.  Yes, we get to guilt people into giving 10% of their beer money to the Church of Beer.  This would be for no other purpose than for me to build a big house, buy a fleet of Bentley's and a Gulf Stream, but any legitimate religion needs to raise funds.  And as the founder of the Church of Beer, these funds would all come to me.  I'm sorry folks, that's how it has to be. 

Lastly, as Grand High Ayotollah of the Church of Beer, it is my intention to send the Little Deputies, who would immediately be ordained Bishops of Beer, to school with coolers of beer to hand out on the play ground.  Afterall, it is a firmly held belief that we are to serve our friends ice cold beer.  I'm thinking there is no way the ACLU can't find