I just read another article today about some politician getting in trouble for saying the "R" word.   Seriously? What in God's name is the "R" word?

I've heard of THE word. It was depicted in a Christmas Story..THE F DASH DASH DASH word.  The "F" word has always been a no-no.

Then we had the "n" word.  You can't ever say the "n" word.  Well, you can't say it if you are pasty faced white guy like myself, but if you are a rapper, it is totally cool to say it.

There is or was a TV show called the "L" word.  It is on one of those pay channels, I don't pay for, so I never saw it. I'm not sure what the "L" word is, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't mean Lite Beer, but perhaps it should.  You'll never find a lite beer in my house, unless someone else brings it over.  I don't ever turn down anyone bringing any type of beer to my house, but be assured, I sure as hell don't buy Lite beer.   I like calories. 

Several years ago, George Carlin, God rest his soul, did a skit about the words you can't say on TV.  I remember one eyed wonder worm was one of the words.  I'm not sure why you couldn't say one-eyed-wonder worm on TV, but if George Carlin said it, you know it had to be true.  I haven't seen that skit in a long, long time, but I'm pretty sure there were no words beginning with "R".

There are some words I don't like being said in my house.  Stupid is one of those words.  I just don't like my children calling each other, someone else, or me stupid.  People aren't stupid. They are misinformed, or uneducated, but not necessarily stupid.  They may have a glorious abscense of intelligence, but I wouldn't call them stupid.  That being said, I wouldn't say, stupid is the "S" word.

Mrs. Commissioner told me, if I ever called her a cougar, she'd arrange for my vascectomy to be completely irrelevant.  Cougar is certainly not the "C" word, but I'm not going to say it in my house.

I remember when I was in elementary school learning about the evils of the "B" word.  You could never say the "B" word.  It always puzzled me why my mother constantly, and perpetually called me a son of a bitch.  I thought the B word was a bad thing, and I spent years in therapy and utter confusion, as to why my mother would call me an SOB, and I was further puzzled when Joe Garagiolla would say it like every other word during the Westminster Dog Show on tv.  Is it bad, or isn't it?  I'm still not sure.

I was sitting down contemplating the letter "P".  There are many good "P" words.  Puppy, Pluto, which, incidentally, I thought was doing a great job of being a planet, paper, plastic, pilsner, pinot noir...all great "P" words, but none of them are THE "P" word, which is kind of sad, but the "P" word, is really one of my all-time favorite words, and one of my all-time favorite things.  God must like it too, which is why the PHILLIES have been in the World Series the last 2 years. 

Who decides, what word gets to represent an entire segment of the alphabet?   Is there a committee?  Is there a group of teachers?  Is Katie Couric on the panel?  Is there an application process?

Finally, when whoever it is, decides that this word, will represent an entire letter of the alphabet, how is that information deciminated?  Who is responsbile for letting us know?  Seriously, I would hate to be sitting in a bar, drinking a wonderful beer, and accidentally, and offensively call someone the "Y" word.   That would be terrible.  I don't want to call anyone the "Y" word.  I don't want to call them the "J" or the "M" word either.

Sometimes, people just make life too hard or complicated. I don't think things need to be this hard.  I'm going to make things easy for everyone.  If you are ever invited to the Beer Commissioner World Headquarters, just know, it is never BYOB at my house, and you can call me whatever word you want, whether it begins with an R, A, D, C or SOB.  I won't mind, and I certainly won't alert the media.