Imagine going to bed, being just the Beer Commissioner.  Your beloved Crimson Tide loses the SEC Championship game solely because your beloved wife jinxed your team, and the little deputy has a raging case of the green apple quick step, and half of your Christmas lights don't work.  I suppose things could be worse. You could be the CEO of General Motors, who ran, what was at one time the most successful corporation in the world into the ground, and you are begging Congress to give you $35 billion to try to fix the problem.  Congress thus far is balking at giving the same guy the money to fix the problem.

Well, things weren't exactly bad for the dear old Beer Commissioner, but things certainly improved this afternoon.  In my mailbox, waiting for me when I got home was.....(200 orders for t-shirts?)  NO!!!!  In my mailbox was $1.425 trillion dollars in cold hard cash.  You heard me. I have, right now, in my house $1.425 TRILLION in cash.  I showed it to Mrs. Commissioner.  She is making tacos right now as I'm typing this, she is so excited.  Yes, our first meal as trillionaires, and we are eating tacos.  Woohoo!

I'm thinking of doling out some bail-out cash.  I think I'll kick a cool $25 billion to Ford for the Volvo facility.  I'm moving all operations back to Sweden, and hopefully Crown Princess Victoria will show up at the new ribbon cutting.  I'll kick another $50 billion to Citi bank and American Express.  I'm going to give myself the one and only, Black Beer Card and I intend on showing it to Princess Victoria.  Seriously, has anyone seen Princess Victoria?  MAJOR HOTTIE!

Christmas is right around the corner.  The little deputies are going to get some serious Christmas payola with my new found trillionaire status.  Mrs. Commissioner isn't going to make out so well though.  She did hex my team after-all.  But, she can look on the bright side, if I do wind up with Princess Victoria, she will get half of the $1.425 trillion.  That is what, a mere $700 billion and change?  She never misses an episode of Grey's Anatomy.  Patrick Dempsey better get ready for some helicopter type stalking action.  I'm warning you McDreamy, she's coming for you.

I'm really not kidding.  I really do have $1.425 trillion dollars.  Unfortunately, I bought the money off of ebay for $7.85, plus shipping.  The $1.425 trillion is actually legal tender.  It actually has value. Sadly, it only has value in Zimbabwe.  Even worse the inflation rate is Zimbabwe is about 22 million percent.  Even worse than that, the current exchange rate is 6.4 quadrillion Zimbabwe dollars to 1 U.S. dollars, which means, my $1.425 trillion is worth, well, a beer and maybe a small bowl of pretzels.  Oh well, I'm guessing the Swedish Princess doesn't drink beer anyway.