Mrs. Commissioner and I had a date last night. What was the occassion? Thursday of course! It was really a confluence of events...THE PHILLIES WINNING THE WORLD SERIES!!!!...having a babysitter...the night before Halloween...pick any of the above.
On the way home from work, I stopped by the local grocery store to buy a gallon of milk. ONE ITEM! Mrs. Commissioner normally doesn't let me go to the grocery store, because if there is going to be an apocolyptic event, it is normally going to happen to the person directly in front of me in line. Prior to yesterday, my previous best, was standing behind a person in line, who watched the checker scan an entire shopping cart worth of groceries, then bag them, and then wait for the little girl to tell her the price, ONLY, and not until that point, walked over to the change counting machine, and dump an entire bucket of coins to be counted, only to find out 20 minutes later, that she did not have enough money to pay for her groceries, and then she had to put stuff back. That was pleasant.
So, let me set the stage. I go into the local store to get my gallon of milk. Of course, this is after work, so everyone else in the store too. Of course, the express lanes are not open. Of course, the help desk is not open, of course, the self-service lines are not open. They have exactly one register open at the grocery store at 5:30. ONE! Great business practice if you ask me.
So, I wait in a line of about 10 people to pay for my gallon of milk. I'm behind a woman with a full grocery cart, but everyone else is checking out quickly, so I'm thinking, I'll be out of here in no time. HUGE MISTAKE there. Then, all of the sudden, red-flag number 1. The princess is front of me puts the divider bar between HER groceries. UH OH! That is never good. I'm beginning to smell the fruits of a check-out fiasco. After the first-batch of groceries is checked, that's when it started. Our princess presented her payroll check to the check-out girl. Well, now we need a manager. The manager is called "for a signature on Line 5". The manager comes over, checks the identification, driver's license, etc., provides his signature and leaves. The princess wants cash for her check. Well, her check is $12.00 more than the maximum amount of cash the grocery store gives for payroll checks. This wasn't a problem for the clerk, who suggested the brilliant idea of paying for the groceries with the proceeds of the payroll check. That completely reasonable idea was rejected by our princess, but she did consent to pay for $13.00 worth of groceries, so she could get the balance of her cash. Then, and only then, did the princess get out her checkbook and begin writing her check for the balance. Of course, when she presented the check for payment, this required the second call to the manager, "for a key turn on register 5", who apparently was in the back unloading sides of beef. The manager returns, provides the key turn, and checks the ID, again. The register door closes, and the princess reminds the clerk, she has still not received her cash. This required another "key turn on register 5". By now, half the town is in line behind me, and my milk is about to expire. The manager, even though he has been gone for 30 seconds, takes 3 minutes to return. Perhaps he had to walk uphill to get back to the register? Well he gets back, and surprise, they didn't have enough cash in the register to pay the princess. The manager runs to fetch the money, returns, and the princess gets paid.
Great. Now we can check out her second batch of groceries. The second batch of groceries, included: a dozen eggs, cake mix, cake frosting, butter, and a packet of cake decorations, which stated Happy Halloween and had little witches and stuff. The clerk checks the stuff out, and our princess wants to pay with this batch of groceries with a food stamp card. The princess tells the clerk casually, "my mom wanted me to pick this stuff up for her." The clerk asks her, if the card was the princess's EBT card. The princess stated no, it was her mother's. The clerk stated, you can't use the card then. The princess then stated, ok then, it's mine. The clerk said, no, it's not. We now had call number 4 to the manager. After a 3 minute discussion, it is decided the princess can use the EBT card, but wait! The cake decoration cannot be paid for with the EBT card. The manager is called for a FIFTH time to discuss whether or not the cake decoration was edible. I just knew someone was going to pull out a book the size of the yellow pages and try to waddle through some government food stamp regulation. It was determined you could not use EBT card to pay for the cake decoration. Our princess then stated well, PUT IT BACK BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE MONEY TO PAY FOR IT! I kid you not.
I swear to you, the SECOND the clerk picked up my milk, the manager opened another register.